I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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