your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
