We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
