I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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