where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
