the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
