I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
