Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
