just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
