How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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