Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
