i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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