You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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