im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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