Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
