So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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