This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
