I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
