Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it was like eating out sand paper
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
