We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
