I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
