i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
