babies were throwing up all over the place
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
