***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
should my penis look like a turkey
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
