Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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