She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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