Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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