i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
