the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
