Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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