Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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