I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
