she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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