were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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