don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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