sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
