So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
