toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
