I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
