respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
