I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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