I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
