I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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