i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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