the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize