im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
