i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
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I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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You ate ashes out of my bong
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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