I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
