just come out here and I will go home with you...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wear drunk well.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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