Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize