I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
