I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
