my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
