Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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