We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
