He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
