So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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