Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
