The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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