if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
