The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
