shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
