Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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