K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
