hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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