how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
