i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
