he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
