$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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