a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
