This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
