It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
