Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
