:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This house was built for laser tag.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
