There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think people are normalizing furries
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
