so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
