It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
