u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
