at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
