remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dear god my vagina.
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